Post-season Reflection

Yesterday, as it became clear that we were going to lose to UConn and end our season before making the Final Four, I was proud of myself. No tears, no yelling, and only a slight bang of the table at the bar. I quickly picked myself up and focused on the positive. I was with my childhood friend and we were catching up! It was sunny out in Chicago for what felt like the first time in 6 months! I got to watch the game with other fans who really cared, giving a sense of community! <all said with semi-forced enthusiasm>

People who knew how much I cared said, "I'm sorry about your team." 

"I'm handling it quite well," I have said.

The more I reflect, however, the more I feel sad, and the more I feel sad, the more I feel like a crazy person who cares WAY to much about basketball. 

But if I step back, I know that isn't true. I care just the right amount and probably as much as any fan who followed this past season like I did. I watched 80% of the games and followed the story lines of the players closely. I watched our team get and heal from multiple injuries, watched in horror as we lost to Illinois at home, lost to Michigan twice, lost to Aaron Craft and the Buckeyes in the last game of the regular season. I watched in disgust as Stauskas and the Wolverines took the regular season Big Ten Title. I watched Iowa's out-of-control McCabe flip Travis Trice onto the floor while sticking out his leg to ensure he tripped. I listened to the pre-season predictions and I watched frustrated fans everywhere rip on Keith Appling game after game. I watched Stauskas make 3-pointers and stare down fans as he ran down the court, throwing up his little three fingered gloat sign (see picture) as I suppressed the urge to punch my TV screen. 

When it comes down to it, the fact that we were one game away from the final four, and 3 games from a national championship that so many predicted we would win, just sucks. Its sad, disappointing, and if I said it didn't I'd be lying to myself.

The good about endings, though, is the opportunity to reflect on what you've learned, and set goals. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself. So here goes..

What I've learned this season:
1) A lot of my frustration with watching sports comes from a lack of ability to deal with imperfections, be patient, look at the overall picture. and to tolerate distress. This is a general pattern that I'm working on across life areas. This is why I drink while I watch sports. But when I watch at home, as I often do during the regular season games, I find myself much more intolerant of bad play. 
     Plan for future: When watching games at home, have distractions available, and just remind myself there is not one play that is the end of the world. Chill. Breathe. 

2) No matter how stressful though, I don't regret for a second watching as many games as I did. I can proudly say I was there for the downs of the season and therefore fell more positive about the ups and more deserving of experiencing them. 
     Plan for future: Continue to watch the games as much as possible, and got to at least one game in person!

3) Who you watch with can be as important as anything. I was so much happier watching with a large group of people who cared, as opposed to just one or people that don't know nor care about the game. I had to restrain myself from body checking the girl who walked into the bar during the Sweet 16 game and got in my way of the TV and shouted to her friend "I don't really care about this game." Then get out, woman. OUT!
     Plan for future:  Avoid these people at all costs but accept that they exist and get as far away from them as possible once identified. 

4) Above all, I think the most important thing I learned this season is that sports are so great because they offer a sense of community, of being part of something larger than yourself. I think that is part of what made the final loss easier this time. I mean, sure I'm sad, but so is every other committed Spartan fan, and obviously the sadness of the players and coaches is much more. We are in this together though, and that in itself, is comforting. 
     Plan for future:  Watch with the MSU community, whenever possible.

Thanks for another great (albeit disappointing) season, MSU. 

xoxo,
S.

Knowing our unhelpful patterns

For me, its food. Always has been. Certain situations still leave me feeling like the "old me" and feeling that I will never be normal with food. Just this week, I lost a few pounds and was starting to feel hopeful that I'd continue along that path, but the last three days I have felt sort of lost and all I really wanted to do was snack. I found myself eating much beyond feeling hungry more than I have in months, and now I have a stomach-ache because I kept eating granola as I was reading blogs instead of listening to my body telling me to stop.

As I try to take a step back and observe this, I often try to figure out: What is going on that makes me this way? What keeps me from being like the people I know or who have said to me "I don't know how people can eat until their stuffed, I just do not get it." 

The answer for me is something an attempt to reward myself, and also sometimes punish myself at the same time. You say to yourself "You deserve to relax, eat whatever makes you feel better" and also sometimes "you are an idiot for eating too much and you don't know how to eating normally and you kind of deserve to feel bad now." 

I used to really beat myself up about this, but now I realize that most people have some unhelpful pattern to deal with, and there is no sense comparing and contrasting who's is worse. They are what they are.

Its way too easy to judge ourselves and others for having these patterns and sadly, I do both. I have found myself totally perplexed by some of my friends abilities to stay in a relationship that they are not happy in. Perhaps he is a "good guy" but she's just not into him, or perhaps he is treating her badly. When pressed, she may admit she just does not want to be alone (a normal concern) but from the outside, this pattern often leave me baffled. I fall into the why questioning. "Why would you stay with someone you do not like? Assuming you want a good relationship, you are just wasting your time." 

I know, I know, it ain't that simple or easy. When you really break it down, I become amazed at how different people's struggles are really so similar. That same person could ask of me: "Why don't I just deal with the feelings that keep me overeating? Why don't I just get over it?" Well, perhaps its the same reason as the people who stay in the wrong relationships. Perhaps we just aren't aware enough of what is really going on, and/or confident enough yet in our abilities to deal with the thoughts, beliefs, or raw emotions we will find underneath. Or perhaps we just can't fully picture or embrace having life the way we really want it...

I encourage you to think about your unhelpful pattern. And how can you use that knowledge to be less judgmental of yourselves and others. 

Because frankly, who would choose to stay in the pattern if we knew there was a better way and we could get there? 

Small success that feels large

I feel like for years I have been saying something along the lines of, "I've got the healthy breakfast and lunch down, now I just gotta find healthy dinner options." At the same time, I heard from others "you eat so healthy!" and I'm like "yeah, during the day!" 

My unhealthy eating, like many people's comes at night when I get home. It sometimes starts right away if I walk in the door starving and grab the first carb I see. Even when I started snacking in the afternoon I would still come home and choose the easy option, usually a frozen pasta meal, a grilled cheese, or another vegetarian option. Sounds healthy enough, the problem is, aside from occasionally involving cheese, these meals had little to no protein and just were not filling me up. So immediately after dinner and/or later on, I'd eat what Taco Bell's coined, "4th meal" and I call "2nd dinner." Not the best way to maintain or lose weight.

Tonight, I came home wanting to make fresh fish. I had a whole plan to go to Mariano's with G once I got home. On my way home, I noticed it was 3 degrees, windchill in the negatives. When I walked in, G said he no longer wished to join me. My options for dinner were: can of soup, or microwaved rice. 

Fortunately, G also offered his frozen tilapia for a dinner option. I made the following, and I'm thrilled to report I have at least 1 healthy, balanced, and filling dinner option.

I made broiled tilapia seasoned with Old Bay seasoning and olive oil, green beans (steamfresh, don't judge, 1 step at a time), and whole grain rice and quinoa (also steamed in a bag).

4 oz fish, broiled in olive oil, 150 calories
green beans
1/2 cup whole grain rice, 100 calories

I was full after that, otherwise I would have eaten larger portions. (Pre-dinner snack: serving of roasted almonds, 170 calories.)
Total prep time: less than 20 mins!

Now I can say I at least have one simple dinner solution and I'm motivated to continue to explore other options!