I found myself realizing lately that I do this with regards to my struggle with eating and my weight. I feel ashamed of the fact that I still struggle, that I still think about it quite often, and still feel the need to write it out on here. I'm bored with it in a lot of ways, and sometimes writing about it bores me. So I assume everyone else feels the same and is sick of hearing about it too.
When really, its probably mostly just me. Although some people in my life may indeed be somewhat sick of hearing it, I think like most things, its more my issue than theirs.
And what would I tell someone else? I'd tell them that we all have our struggles with adequacy and we all have our sticking points, or areas in our life that we just don't feel as competent or confident as we would like. We all have those areas where we so badly want to be able to achieve our goals, whatever they are, but for whatever reason, it feels like they evade us.
So I'm here, again, for what feels like the millionth time, making peace with the fact that my struggle with eating is not yet over. During marathon training, I really let myself go and fell back into some old bad habits. Never really feeling out of control of my eating, but doing a ton of snacking and unstructured eating, especially while watching TV. It feels familiar, and I don't like it. And I have definitely gained some weight, although I haven't actually weighed myself to know how much.
It is time to pull out the ever helpful phase about persistence.
"The secret to life is to fall down seven times, and get up eight."
Or in my case, fall down (perhaps its only a mini-stumble at this point, progress!) 47 million times, get up 47 million and one times.
Ok, perhaps it just feels that way.
Moving forward, my goal for the next few weeks until the marathon is to focus on finding a making healthy balanced meals that I can eat for dinner and focusing on eating and enjoying that, then watching TV, writing, etc. I'll keep you posted.
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