1. I don't love it. I tried to, I really did, but I just don't. I have now accepted the fact that marathon training just ain't my cup o' tea. I really don't mind the long runs, as long as they don't injure me (see below), BUT I reeeeeally don't like having to run 3 times during the week, and that guilty feeling I get when I don't (because I don't think that even once during training I actually did each of the 3 mid-week runs as prescribed).
2. My body does not love it. Or at least, it doesn't not like it. Its pretty angry with me I think, so I rest it a lot. I take full responsibility, and its possible that my additional rest has made me slightly more prone to injury, but it is what it is. And although I typically don't get in 4 runs per week, I almost always get 3, and my body still is not a big fan of all the pavement pounding.
3. I don't like running slower. And marathon training is forcing me to, unless of course I wanted to run more and fit in speedwork or something. This, is ill advised based on it being my first marathon, so I've accepted the fact that I'm gonna run this bad boy at a slow pace. It will take longer, which isn't ideal, and I just feel more comfortable running at a bit of a quicker pace.
Finally, we come to what I think is really driving my difficulty with training:
4. It strips me of my natural motivation for running. I have run consistently without missing more than a week for the past 7 years because I truly like to run and truly want to run, most of the time. Marathon training has not totally taken this away from me, BUT, my internal motivation to want to run is definitely lower, and that makes me sad. I'm sure I can get it back after training is over, but I miss the feeling of truly wanting to run after work, or the real craving I get when my body just aches to go out and tear up the pavement. It just isn't the same when you know you really "should" run 5 miles, 8 miles, 5 miles, during the week, and a long run on the weekend. A friend of mine talked about how she was going to get up yesterday and run "along the trails, however far I feel like going" and I got this twinge in my stomach of longing for that flexibility. I really thrive on that feeling, and I miss it.
All that said, I realize that I chose to run this marathon and I am by no means blaming training for impacting my life in this way. I chose this, I realize it. I am choosing to continue with training to follow through with my commitment, and I'm excited to hopefully be able to finish this thing and feel proud. But mostly, I'm excited to finish my commitment and get back to my true love of running.
To balance the negativity, lets list the positives of training:
1. I feel totally justified in making cupcakes and eating a ton of them after I run 19 miles.
2. After a long run, I'm proud of myself when I do almost anything. I'm also less critical of my body after a really long run. Like when I look in the mirror I still see the parts I don't love, but I'm like, whatevs, you just ran 19 miles.
3. I do feel really accomplished and good after seeing my Nike Plus running app hit my goal mileage. Even if I'm at that point running slow as heck. At least I followed through!
4. I made a few friends through my running group so thats always good.
5. At any given point, even if I don't for whatever reason finish this whole thing, I can say I've run farther than I ever have before. To date, I have run 19 miles straight, and I'm proud of that.
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