Breaking News: Beating self up still not helpful even after all these years of trying

Several weeks ago, I realized that training for a marathon and trying to lose weight for me, was not meshing together well and I was begrudgingly resigned to the fact that choosing one goal was probably best.

Since the marathon cost $175 and was a one-time deal, it won out.

Four weeks away from the marathon, I am struggling with anticipating the start of something new, but not yet being ready/able to fully pursue it. I am not very comfortable with the feeling of "maintaining" or "staying still." I want to always be growing and changing and improving as a person. I think this is particularly problematic for anticipating a new "weight loss effort" because at some level, part of me is like "well you better have your fun now because weight loss starts Oct 14th!"

I am falling into the black and white thinking, the "on a diet/off a diet" mentality that I advise so many people not to adopt. Sigh.... And simultaneously I have not been focusing on the aspects of marathon training that involve improving and learning about oneself as a person. I have chosen to focus on the fact that I'm not losing weight, and may have gained a pound or two, instead of the fact that my body is strong enough to finish 19 simultaneous miles. 

I think the lesson here is one that I continue to re-learn over and over again. Do not beat myself up. Period. For anything. Because it simply does not help. It exhausts me, and makes me angry and resentful of things (even events that I choose to participate in) that I perceive to be getting in the way of my goal.

I chose to do this marathon. And whether I realize it all of the time or not, it is helping me to grow and learn about myself, just as I hoped it would. And beating myself up for not always loving it also is useless. Although marathon training may put a delay on me really focusing on weight loss, it is certainly not an unrelated goal and improving my fitness and workout schedule and eating healthfully, will all help when I am focused again on losing pounds. 

So here's to the last 4 weeks of training, and remembering reasons I chose to do this thing in the first place. Not to break any records or prove to anyone else I can do it. But to learn about myself, and improve my ability to persevere and achieve a life-list goal.