Stop Asking Yourself Questions that Suck

I really like the website www.tinybuddha.com. It was introduced to me by my good friend Sapna, and I've been reading it on and off for several years. Dream alert: I would love to write a post in there one day. 

One of the recent articles caught my eye, but mostly because I mis-read the title. I thought it said: Stop Asking Yourself Questions that Suck, when it really said, Stop Asking Yourself Questions that Keep you Stuck.

I still keep reading it wrong each time I pull it up, and it makes me giggle. Same basic idea though! 

So what are some questions that suck? I can tell you, because I ask preeeettty much all of them.

How bout some of these:
"Am I good enough?" - a personal frequent visitor in my own head
"Can I really do this?" - also a persistent one
"Am I capable of this?"
"What if I fail?" 
"Am I making a fool of myself?" 
etc....

Dang it.

So, what do we do? Notice it, and choose to engage in other more helpful thoughts. The above ones, are freaking immobilizing. So we ask ourselves (per recommendation of the article): a more helpful question, like "What question can I replace it with that will help me move forward?"

For me, a lot of my self doubt is surrounding my career lately. I love what I do, but I'm frequently doubting myself. Partly because this career is ambiguous and I'm super new at it and I'm trying to get better, but the above unhelpful thoughts are not useful. 

So, when I'm doubting my efficacy with a client or with a group, instead of the above, I change the questions to:

"How can I work to connect with this person?"
"How can I make the information easily understandable and informative, while also motivating change?" 
"How can I elicit the person to engage in their own change and support them?" 
"How much guidance does this person need?" 

Acknowledging the difficulties I face is not super fun, but its exciting when I think about the possibilities it brings up. When I'm feeling more confident and less tied in my stuff, I connect better and leave sessions feeling more capable. I am able to identify where it's coming from and move through it quickly, without wasting too much time stuck there.

What unhelpful questions do you ask yourself that suck and hold you back? ;-)

xoxo, S.