Inside out

Do you ever have times where things are going well and you feel like if you talk about it, you will somehow disrupt the flow and mess it up? It happened to G and I the other day when we were playing "lightning" on the bball court. We both kept making shots over and over (me from the free throw line and him from the 3-point line), like at least 3-4 in a row each, and finally I commented on how awesome we were doing, and of course, I missed the next shot.

That's how I feel now, because things are going quite well with eating and exercise. I'm a little scared to write about it, for fear of scaring it away, but I also think its important for me to figure out what the heck is working so I can keep it going, so here goes... 

The main difference between now and my last post about how I was struggling, besides taking the pressure off of myself to count WW points, is that I picked up a book I had purchased a while back and started reading through and doing the steps. The book is by a woman named Renee Stephens, who is the author of a free podcast called Inside Out Weight Loss, and I've been listening to the podcasts (there are over 200 of them) for at least 4 years now (geez, I didn't realize how long until I calculated that just now). 

There are many different types of tools in the podcast and the book, many of which overlap with how psychology might intervene for eating and weight problems and a few that are different. I still remember when I first listened to the podcast, I thought she was idealistic and unrealistic about the weight struggle, but I continued listening and now I think she may just have it right. 

Renee emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between two types of motivation. "Away from" motivation is the motivation to get away from negative feelings that you might have. So, for weight loss, I am sick of feeling "weird" or anxious around food and I'm sick of being super self-critical in relation to food and my weight. I'm sick of it overtaking my life and being the only thing I think about or write about, and I want to move away from all of that crap, as quickly as I can. "Away from" motivation can also include feeling fat in your clothes or being upset that your pants no longer fit. I'm lucky in that this has not been a big factor in a while for me. I have semi-accepted my body, although I will admit I still focus on my stomach sometimes and how I would like it to look flatter/thinner/whatever.

So, most people know what their away from motivators are, but she also emphasizes the importance of "towards motivation", or what you DO want instead of struggling with weight/food issues. For me, I want to move towards living life with ease, energy, and passion. Being relaxed around and even somewhat indifferent to food because I have other things in my life that are more exciting and/or relaxing. I want to fully experience life with all the emotions it brings. 

Sometimes just the prospect of this can feel overwhelming. I just turned on an episode of Buying and Selling on HGTV last night, and after watching for about 10 minutes I was getting teary, because it was about a family who's mother had died and they needed to downsize their house to have money for the kids college funds. For me, fully experiencing the emotions of life means connecting emotionally with lots of things around me, and sometimes that means TV shows I've been watching for about 2 seconds.

Renee also emphasizes determining our reasons for overeating, and what the positive intent is for us. I figured out that part of the positive intent for me is to dampen down some of my emotional responses, because sometimes feeling all of it seems too scary or overwhelming. The positive intention is comfort and safety/security, but now that I've uncovered it, I would like to move to a place of allowing the full experience in, and embracing it.

Perhaps its my identified "towards motivation" that has helped me over the past week or so. I've definitely had a good deal of energy and felt excited and motivated at work. I've made a point to have healthy snacks available, and enjoyed the feeling of being nourished but not overly stuffed each day. 

I'm excited to continue to live life this way and it does not feel like work. The cool thing is, my weight is at a similar number as it was after my first week in WW. And to be honest, as I build muscle, I'll be less and less concerned about the number and more how I feel in my body and how my clothes fit. 

The most exciting part of all of this (and I think this may indicate a true difference in the way I'm thinking) is that I'm finding more time and energy to focus on what my dreams are, work-related or otherwise. More on that later... 

With love and excitement, xoxo, S.