At our gym, all new members get a fitness consultation with a personal trainer. I had mine yesterday and she helped me realize a few important changes I need to make.
First, as she asked me about my nutrition, and I realized as I was talking that my problem was pretty clear. Its something I talk to a lot of my patients about and its simple lack of planning ahead. I bought almonds so far and plan to get my meals more ready for the week this week, to set myself up for success. And I need to determine more dinners that I like that are healthy, because G and I often find ourselves at a loss for what to make.
Second, and possibly more importantly, she pointed out that distance running does not build lean muscle mass. I think on some level I knew this, but it had been a while since I heard it. In some ways, it makes sense. Its cardio, and your muscles adapt. But in another sense, I feel like ALL of those miles would have to build some leg muscles. Not so much. At least not after I've been doing it this long. Any muscular increase has ceased. And given that I want to improve my lean muscle mass, I gotta do it with other exercises.
I have my first free personal training session on Monday. 60 minutes of strength training. I don't believe I've EVER done 60 minutes of strength training. So this should be interesting...
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
The little engine
Marathon training is going quite well so far. I've adopted a realistic and flexible approach that appears to be a good fit for me. I was exhausted and really sore on Tuesday morning from doing Hot Yoga on Sunday, so I turned my alarm off and slept in. I didn't beat myself up. I had the confidence and belief in myself that I would adapt my schedule accordingly. I was supposed to run 5 miles on Tuesday. This morning, despite having difficulty running on treadmills, particularly in the morning, I got up, ate a little extra and gave myself 30 minutes of extra time to digest, and killed it. 5 miles, in the books. On a treadmill no less (it was pouring outside). Yay for that.
This calm demeanor and confidence in myself that I will follow through with exercise is new, and obviously, I'm a fan.
It was just over a year and a half ago, when my anxiety about completing a workout could totally overwhelm me. I would ride the train home and upon stepping in to my apartment, it was like this strange game that I would play, waiting to see if I would actually follow through and go to my running group. In those moments, I felt very little sense of agency over my decisions, and in moments of anxiety, in addition to self-criticism to try to motivate myself, I would think, "I wonder if I'll actually get out the door this time?" like I was contemplating the events in a movie plot I was watching. Sometimes I would push through and go anyways, and other times, I would stay in, probably eat cookies, and berate myself. Good times.
I attribute my recently found calm to continued practice, and reduced self-critical talk. In college, I rarely ran or did any exercise consistently, with exceptions where I was committed to doing so (pom team practices, tennis class). This was not for lack of desire to exercise, nor lack of trying, but other things in my life came first and exercise never became a consistent commitment. After college, things changed. I began running with others, then moved to Philly and joined the running group, and I attribute most of my confidence in my ability to get out the door to the group, at first. When I got to Chicago, the anxiety returned because now I had only myself to be accountable to.
Two years later, here I am. I marvel at this change mostly to try to figure out how the heck to apply it to my eating behavior in a consistent manner. As my last post reflects, I'm struggling again and took a break from focus on eating to get marathon training under control. Subsequently, my eating has normalized and I'm not stress eating, but I'm also not losing weight.
Currently, my thoughts and beliefs about eating are like they used to be for my exercise behavior: I am not feeling confident that I know how to consistently follow through on my goal of weight loss, nor am I sure its a reasonable or realistic goal, especially during training.
As a budding psychologist, I essentially know the answer to my own question of how to I apply my confidence in exercise to my confidence in eating and its actually quite simple. It all boils down to belief. Belief in oneself that I actually can do it, setting myself up with a reasonable plan, being flexible, and then proving myself right, over and over, until the questioning is reduced to only a slight whisper.
For now, I choose to focus on what is going well, my marathon training, and not on the fact that I haven't totally figured out a workable long-term plan for finding ease and comfort with my weight and eating behavior.
In the meantime, I pledge to focus more on believing in myself and my abilities, because I know the more I do that, the more I will be right.
It was just over a year and a half ago, when my anxiety about completing a workout could totally overwhelm me. I would ride the train home and upon stepping in to my apartment, it was like this strange game that I would play, waiting to see if I would actually follow through and go to my running group. In those moments, I felt very little sense of agency over my decisions, and in moments of anxiety, in addition to self-criticism to try to motivate myself, I would think, "I wonder if I'll actually get out the door this time?" like I was contemplating the events in a movie plot I was watching. Sometimes I would push through and go anyways, and other times, I would stay in, probably eat cookies, and berate myself. Good times.
I attribute my recently found calm to continued practice, and reduced self-critical talk. In college, I rarely ran or did any exercise consistently, with exceptions where I was committed to doing so (pom team practices, tennis class). This was not for lack of desire to exercise, nor lack of trying, but other things in my life came first and exercise never became a consistent commitment. After college, things changed. I began running with others, then moved to Philly and joined the running group, and I attribute most of my confidence in my ability to get out the door to the group, at first. When I got to Chicago, the anxiety returned because now I had only myself to be accountable to.
Two years later, here I am. I marvel at this change mostly to try to figure out how the heck to apply it to my eating behavior in a consistent manner. As my last post reflects, I'm struggling again and took a break from focus on eating to get marathon training under control. Subsequently, my eating has normalized and I'm not stress eating, but I'm also not losing weight.
Currently, my thoughts and beliefs about eating are like they used to be for my exercise behavior: I am not feeling confident that I know how to consistently follow through on my goal of weight loss, nor am I sure its a reasonable or realistic goal, especially during training.
As a budding psychologist, I essentially know the answer to my own question of how to I apply my confidence in exercise to my confidence in eating and its actually quite simple. It all boils down to belief. Belief in oneself that I actually can do it, setting myself up with a reasonable plan, being flexible, and then proving myself right, over and over, until the questioning is reduced to only a slight whisper.
For now, I choose to focus on what is going well, my marathon training, and not on the fact that I haven't totally figured out a workable long-term plan for finding ease and comfort with my weight and eating behavior.
In the meantime, I pledge to focus more on believing in myself and my abilities, because I know the more I do that, the more I will be right.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
I don't want to write this...
But I've committed to learning about myself and my eating and so I am here. Showing up. Trying to be brave, and honest.
The past week or so has not been great, eating-wise. Not great at all. I'm back to familiar ways of thinking about things, that I have not done in a while. I'm back to thinking that I will "start again tomorrow and start fresh" and I'm back to eating more the night before that "starting fresh." I'm eating way past full again and it does not feel good. Not good at all.
The past few days, I even have been doubting whether being on Weight Watchers is the right move right now, because it is another diet and since I'm planning to work out 6 days a week (once I stop skipping workouts like I did tonight), I'm worried that I cannot balance the amount of points that should go with the amount of exercise I'm doing since it will gradually be ramping up.
If I'm being totally honest with myself, it started to overwhelm me and it felt like too much. I'm even scared to weigh myself and assess the "damage."
The reason I'm hesitant to write this, is because its exactly this indecision/behavior that I'm ashamed of. I don't yet know the right path for me for all of this. I haven't figured out a way of eating and exercise that works for me yet. I know that is ok, but I also feel like I should have gotten it figured out by now. I've only been stressing about all of this for 12+ years.
I've laid off the weight watchers tracking for a bit, as I get a handle on this training stuff. Training is going well (did 9 miles yesterday and felt pretty good, despite the significant humidity) but I am definitely really tired most days, especially yesterday.
I look back to my first week of WW and I remember how easy and sustainable it all felt. To be fair, this was when I was doing much less activity (I'm also walking to work now for a total of 3 miles and 50 mins of walking each day) so I still need to figure out how to do that with my new activity level. I'm realizing more and more that this is a lot to think about. And I keep asking myself: Wouldn't it be nice and easier if you could just listen to your hunger and fullness signals to know how much to eat, and make healthy choices and call it a day?
That is my dream. I dream that one day I will be able to consistently listen to my body, honor its signals, and eat in a way that energizes me to live the rest of my life. Since I relaxed a bit on the plan, however, I've been back to listening to my body since yesterday evening and feeling a little more balanced.
Despite all my struggles and indecision about the "best plan" the past few weeks, I'm not giving up. I'm here and I'm going to write through my thoughts and feelings along the way because it helps give me some additional clarity even more than talking through all of this.
Heading to yoga now at the new gym. Happy Sunday!
xoxo, S., struggling, but committed
The past week or so has not been great, eating-wise. Not great at all. I'm back to familiar ways of thinking about things, that I have not done in a while. I'm back to thinking that I will "start again tomorrow and start fresh" and I'm back to eating more the night before that "starting fresh." I'm eating way past full again and it does not feel good. Not good at all.
The past few days, I even have been doubting whether being on Weight Watchers is the right move right now, because it is another diet and since I'm planning to work out 6 days a week (once I stop skipping workouts like I did tonight), I'm worried that I cannot balance the amount of points that should go with the amount of exercise I'm doing since it will gradually be ramping up.
If I'm being totally honest with myself, it started to overwhelm me and it felt like too much. I'm even scared to weigh myself and assess the "damage."
The reason I'm hesitant to write this, is because its exactly this indecision/behavior that I'm ashamed of. I don't yet know the right path for me for all of this. I haven't figured out a way of eating and exercise that works for me yet. I know that is ok, but I also feel like I should have gotten it figured out by now. I've only been stressing about all of this for 12+ years.
I've laid off the weight watchers tracking for a bit, as I get a handle on this training stuff. Training is going well (did 9 miles yesterday and felt pretty good, despite the significant humidity) but I am definitely really tired most days, especially yesterday.
I look back to my first week of WW and I remember how easy and sustainable it all felt. To be fair, this was when I was doing much less activity (I'm also walking to work now for a total of 3 miles and 50 mins of walking each day) so I still need to figure out how to do that with my new activity level. I'm realizing more and more that this is a lot to think about. And I keep asking myself: Wouldn't it be nice and easier if you could just listen to your hunger and fullness signals to know how much to eat, and make healthy choices and call it a day?
That is my dream. I dream that one day I will be able to consistently listen to my body, honor its signals, and eat in a way that energizes me to live the rest of my life. Since I relaxed a bit on the plan, however, I've been back to listening to my body since yesterday evening and feeling a little more balanced.
Despite all my struggles and indecision about the "best plan" the past few weeks, I'm not giving up. I'm here and I'm going to write through my thoughts and feelings along the way because it helps give me some additional clarity even more than talking through all of this.
Heading to yoga now at the new gym. Happy Sunday!
xoxo, S., struggling, but committed
Saturday, June 22, 2013
The partial illusion of "starting fresh"
Everyone likes a clean slate, right? There's no better feeling than getting back a test result providing a clean bill of health, or starting a new class where any grade is possible, or doing a bunch of spring cleaning... so exhilarating and full of possibilities.
I have always loved the feeling of a fresh start. We moved this weekend and it offered that familiar feeling and excitement that comes along with a new environment. For me, I get pumped to "create new habits" and "break all the old ones!"
This is a WONDERFUL plan, in theory. I know the science behind classical conditioning. My old bedroom was paired partially with snacking on cinnamon pita chips and watching Netflix. I am determined to make my new apartment NOT have this association (if only so Garrett doesn't have to feel like he's sleeping in sticky sand). However, as I sometimes do, I kinda took it a little too far in my head. I told Garrett triumphantly that, "I would never eat and watch TV at the new apartment!" I would eat each meal mindfully and yayyyy, that will help me manage my snacking.
This time, I am experienced enough at life to not expect perfection, but it doesn't mean my brain wont be a little bit disappointed that sticking to my goals does not look like perfection.
Here are the goals I'm thinking for this new phase of life. Some are old. Some are new. Hopefully most are moderate and reasonable (if not, tell me and I'll adjust!)...
1) Get to bed and set alarm for 8 hours of sleep most nights, and don't hit snooze.
2) Avoid watching TV while eating for most meals and snacks, when you have the choice (i.e., when Garrett isn't home).
3) Keep living areas clean and de-cluttered.
4) Spend time learning new hobbies, including crocheting, playing guitar, reading new books, and listening to new audio books.
5) Stick to the marathon training schedule.
6) Eat healthy whole foods most of the time and listen to my hunger signals before and during meals, and practice stopping or re-setting my expectations about what is enough and what will satisfy me.
Based on my knowledge of me, I know that 6 will be toughest, following by 2. What is so alluring about eating in front of the TV. Years of conditioning, maybe, but also just the comfort of habit.
Change is exciting and awesome, but we are creatures of habit. Finding new ones takes time and practice, and I'm on the path.
AND, I made my first crochet project! A coaster!!
xoxo, S.
I have always loved the feeling of a fresh start. We moved this weekend and it offered that familiar feeling and excitement that comes along with a new environment. For me, I get pumped to "create new habits" and "break all the old ones!"
This is a WONDERFUL plan, in theory. I know the science behind classical conditioning. My old bedroom was paired partially with snacking on cinnamon pita chips and watching Netflix. I am determined to make my new apartment NOT have this association (if only so Garrett doesn't have to feel like he's sleeping in sticky sand). However, as I sometimes do, I kinda took it a little too far in my head. I told Garrett triumphantly that, "I would never eat and watch TV at the new apartment!"
This time, I am experienced enough at life to not expect perfection, but it doesn't mean my brain wont be a little bit disappointed that sticking to my goals does not look like perfection.
Here are the goals I'm thinking for this new phase of life. Some are old. Some are new. Hopefully most are moderate and reasonable (if not, tell me and I'll adjust!)...
1) Get to bed and set alarm for 8 hours of sleep most nights, and don't hit snooze.
2) Avoid watching TV while eating for most meals and snacks, when you have the choice (i.e., when Garrett isn't home).
3) Keep living areas clean and de-cluttered.
4) Spend time learning new hobbies, including crocheting, playing guitar, reading new books, and listening to new audio books.
5) Stick to the marathon training schedule.
6) Eat healthy whole foods most of the time and listen to my hunger signals before and during meals, and practice stopping or re-setting my expectations about what is enough and what will satisfy me.
Based on my knowledge of me, I know that 6 will be toughest, following by 2. What is so alluring about eating in front of the TV. Years of conditioning, maybe, but also just the comfort of habit.
Change is exciting and awesome, but we are creatures of habit. Finding new ones takes time and practice, and I'm on the path.
AND, I made my first crochet project! A coaster!!
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Pros and Cons of Training so far
Hi folks,
I'm up at 6:15am on Saturday waiting for my breakfast to digest so I can meet up with Lululemon's free running group and run 8 miles with them.
In the meantime, I'll reflect on my first 3 days of training.
Pros:
- I finished 3 full workouts with a plan to do a 4th today. I'm sore, but I made it and lately the norm for me has been 1-3 workouts per week, so, progress. Soon, I hope to work up to 5 per week.
- I did a KILLER workout on Thursday evening. It was called Shred 415 which is a fitness group here in Chicago, and they lead us through every possible exercise. It was about 15 minutes of core drills and lunges/etc, 15 mins of running drills (800 sprint, 2x400 sprints, hills), then 15 minutes more of new drills for arms, legs, and core, and then finished with 15 minutes of calisthenics and full out sprints (like 50m only). It reminded me of high school track, but harder, and I made it through without puking, so I was pretty pumped. This morning, I am VERY sore, but it was very worth it.
- I feel like I'm getting a decent sense of how this training will come together:
Mondays: easy run (probably alone)
Tuesday: run easy or temp with Loop running group (assuming I like them when I go next week, otherwise there are other options)
Wednesdays: "Rest or strength train" strength or yoga at gym, or strength training by myself
Thursdays: Track workouts with lululemon (I hear they are good, be we will see next week)
Fridays: rest
Saturdays: Long run
Sundays: rest or strength; same as Wednesday's plan
Con:
- A bird dive bombed my head.
You know that feeling when things are going well, and you think something to the effect of "wow, where I'm at right now is really beautiful, and I'm very fortunate and grateful for my life!"? Well, I think its great to do that, for the record. But do you ever imagine impending doom after you say that (Brene Brown calls it foreboding joy)? Well, my impending doom occurred, if you can call it that. As I was running through a new part of Lincoln Park (the LP boardwalk path), I was reflecting on how pretty it was and how lucky I was to live near such a cool place, then, BAM!, bird beak was on my scalp!
At first I thought it was like a hornet or something had stung me. I swiped at it but was gone, but I looked around bewildered, and saw a smug-looking black and red bird sitting on the railing of the boardwalk. I'm not sure but I think he was thinking, "Don't look at me, its your fault, don't let you hair look like a nest so dang much!"
To be fair, he has a point. :-/ I snapped this pic on the way home:
Overall, I think it was a good, and entertaining week. Perhaps a sign that this training and all that comes with it will keep me on my toes, and I don't doubt it.
xoxo, Humbled by that crazy bird.
I'm up at 6:15am on Saturday waiting for my breakfast to digest so I can meet up with Lululemon's free running group and run 8 miles with them.
In the meantime, I'll reflect on my first 3 days of training.
Pros:
- I finished 3 full workouts with a plan to do a 4th today. I'm sore, but I made it and lately the norm for me has been 1-3 workouts per week, so, progress. Soon, I hope to work up to 5 per week.
- I did a KILLER workout on Thursday evening. It was called Shred 415 which is a fitness group here in Chicago, and they lead us through every possible exercise. It was about 15 minutes of core drills and lunges/etc, 15 mins of running drills (800 sprint, 2x400 sprints, hills), then 15 minutes more of new drills for arms, legs, and core, and then finished with 15 minutes of calisthenics and full out sprints (like 50m only). It reminded me of high school track, but harder, and I made it through without puking, so I was pretty pumped. This morning, I am VERY sore, but it was very worth it.
- I feel like I'm getting a decent sense of how this training will come together:
Mondays: easy run (probably alone)
Tuesday: run easy or temp with Loop running group (assuming I like them when I go next week, otherwise there are other options)
Wednesdays: "Rest or strength train" strength or yoga at gym, or strength training by myself
Thursdays: Track workouts with lululemon (I hear they are good, be we will see next week)
Fridays: rest
Saturdays: Long run
Sundays: rest or strength; same as Wednesday's plan
Con:
- A bird dive bombed my head.
You know that feeling when things are going well, and you think something to the effect of "wow, where I'm at right now is really beautiful, and I'm very fortunate and grateful for my life!"? Well, I think its great to do that, for the record. But do you ever imagine impending doom after you say that (Brene Brown calls it foreboding joy)? Well, my impending doom occurred, if you can call it that. As I was running through a new part of Lincoln Park (the LP boardwalk path), I was reflecting on how pretty it was and how lucky I was to live near such a cool place, then, BAM!, bird beak was on my scalp!
At first I thought it was like a hornet or something had stung me. I swiped at it but was gone, but I looked around bewildered, and saw a smug-looking black and red bird sitting on the railing of the boardwalk. I'm not sure but I think he was thinking, "Don't look at me, its your fault, don't let you hair look like a nest so dang much!"
To be fair, he has a point. :-/ I snapped this pic on the way home:
xoxo, Humbled by that crazy bird.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Reflections on vacation: Eating to relieve physical ailments
Hi everyone!
I am back into the swing of things after our AWESOME vacation and I think before I dive into marathon training stuff (started yesterday, ah!), I want to make sure I take some time to reflect upon what I learned over our vacation.
We were gone 10 days, from Fri 5/31 to Sun 6/9, so it was a nice chunk of time. I went into it thinking I would try to stick to tracking points with Weight Watchers but I also acknowledged that this may be difficult. Overall, I did ok and tracked about 1/3 of the time we were there. However, right away Sunday morning I got back on track and have done very good tracking since then so that minimized the damage and I actually lost a lb (recall I had gained 2.2 lbs before leaving so basically I'm almost back to where I was after week 1, but I'll take it!).
Anyway, I did two very important things on my vacation that I'm proud of.
1) I was flexible and realistic in my approach (for the most part, see below), and since I did not want to be overly restrictive, I simply tried to make the best decision in most scenarios, and prioritized things I really liked. For example, Wendy and Josh had a delicious looking "reveal" cake at their place (they are having a boy!) and I looooove cake with white frosting so I had once piece, but tried to minimize the other sugars that day. Pretty straightforward, but flexibility in making changes has been a HUGE problem for me in the past during a "diet" and I like that I was able to really give myself some wiggle room in making (buzzword coming) lifestyle changes, that are realistic and long-term.
2) Perhaps even more importantly I allowed myself to become truly aware of some major eating triggers for me that I had only been semi aware of before. I had about 2 days on vacation where I ate quite a bit and felt quite terrible in the morning. I came up with the term "food hangover" because that's exactly what it is and I'm fairly accustomed to them from days when I'd have a pretty bad binge. Tuesday, we drove on Trail Ridge Road over to the Grand Lake side of the park (we stayed in Estes Park which is on the east side) and I had what I believe was a combination of altitude sickness and carsickness, combined with fatigue from the fairly strenuous hike we did on Monday. As it turns out, this was the perfect storm of things that trigger eating for me:
*fatigue - I convince myself I'm hungry when really my body is just exhausted, but I convince myself that somehow the food molecules will magically remove my muscle discomfort and malaise
*mild nausea - the cure for nausea is eating salty things right? turns out this is really only the case if you haven't eaten in a while, if you are altitude and carsick and have a full stomach, it just makes you feel worse
*lots of different types of pain/discomfort - this time it was a very dull but persistent headache caused by what felt like sinus congestion but all pains apply unless they are super intense. Food = comfort, so why wouldn't that help? Yet the pain persisted because nothing would help besides getting to a lower altitude...
The fact that these three occurred together set me off for quick of bit of granola bar eating (all we had in the car!) and other random non-filling snacks that were around that did little for me at all, except make me feel guilty for going "off the plan." The good thing was, I think I learned quite a bit from it.
As you can see, the 3 things above happen quite a bit, in small doses, and for me, its the small doses that make me wanna turn to food, especially if its nearby. The thought process (whether conscious or unconscious) goes: "I feel blah, food helps me feel happy, I deserve a treat!" Its the same reasoning used to rationalize getting ice cream for a sore throat. But when you use it for every ailment all the time, it can add up to weight gain, feeling bad about yourself, and guilt/shame.
Its interesting because looking back I know this is what I did in high school when I got mono... twice. I got a mild case and I wasn't in all that much pain, just enough that ice cream or cool treats felt nice going down. As I got better, I didn't have the sore throat just general fatigue and blah-feeling, and to my dismay and disappointment as an 18 year old girl who wants to stay unrealistically stick-thin, I did not lose weight but gained! On top of missing lots fun activities, all of this was a recipe for sadness, boredom, and thus more eating. So, yeah, hindsight is 20/20, and its makes a lot of sense!
I'm happy that I'm able to be open and honest about a pattern I have had for a long time. It helps me see that like so many of us, I turn to food in moments of discomfort not because I'm weak or undisciplined, but simply because I'm looking for comfort. I'm happy to say that the more I talk about this, the more confident I feel that I can continue to find the comfort I'm looking for in more effective ways (perhaps a prescription for hugs, blankets, and comfy socks!). In all seriousness though, on some level, I've known this was a pattern for a long time, but now its time to truly address it.
Heading off for my first tempo run for marathon training! Looking to do 5 miles. Maybe post again when I return to fend off boredom eating. :)
With love, S.
I am back into the swing of things after our AWESOME vacation and I think before I dive into marathon training stuff (started yesterday, ah!), I want to make sure I take some time to reflect upon what I learned over our vacation.
We were gone 10 days, from Fri 5/31 to Sun 6/9, so it was a nice chunk of time. I went into it thinking I would try to stick to tracking points with Weight Watchers but I also acknowledged that this may be difficult. Overall, I did ok and tracked about 1/3 of the time we were there. However, right away Sunday morning I got back on track and have done very good tracking since then so that minimized the damage and I actually lost a lb (recall I had gained 2.2 lbs before leaving so basically I'm almost back to where I was after week 1, but I'll take it!).
Anyway, I did two very important things on my vacation that I'm proud of.
1) I was flexible and realistic in my approach (for the most part, see below), and since I did not want to be overly restrictive, I simply tried to make the best decision in most scenarios, and prioritized things I really liked. For example, Wendy and Josh had a delicious looking "reveal" cake at their place (they are having a boy!) and I looooove cake with white frosting so I had once piece, but tried to minimize the other sugars that day. Pretty straightforward, but flexibility in making changes has been a HUGE problem for me in the past during a "diet" and I like that I was able to really give myself some wiggle room in making (buzzword coming) lifestyle changes, that are realistic and long-term.
2) Perhaps even more importantly I allowed myself to become truly aware of some major eating triggers for me that I had only been semi aware of before. I had about 2 days on vacation where I ate quite a bit and felt quite terrible in the morning. I came up with the term "food hangover" because that's exactly what it is and I'm fairly accustomed to them from days when I'd have a pretty bad binge. Tuesday, we drove on Trail Ridge Road over to the Grand Lake side of the park (we stayed in Estes Park which is on the east side) and I had what I believe was a combination of altitude sickness and carsickness, combined with fatigue from the fairly strenuous hike we did on Monday. As it turns out, this was the perfect storm of things that trigger eating for me:
*fatigue - I convince myself I'm hungry when really my body is just exhausted, but I convince myself that somehow the food molecules will magically remove my muscle discomfort and malaise
*mild nausea - the cure for nausea is eating salty things right? turns out this is really only the case if you haven't eaten in a while, if you are altitude and carsick and have a full stomach, it just makes you feel worse
*lots of different types of pain/discomfort - this time it was a very dull but persistent headache caused by what felt like sinus congestion but all pains apply unless they are super intense. Food = comfort, so why wouldn't that help? Yet the pain persisted because nothing would help besides getting to a lower altitude...
The fact that these three occurred together set me off for quick of bit of granola bar eating (all we had in the car!) and other random non-filling snacks that were around that did little for me at all, except make me feel guilty for going "off the plan." The good thing was, I think I learned quite a bit from it.
As you can see, the 3 things above happen quite a bit, in small doses, and for me, its the small doses that make me wanna turn to food, especially if its nearby. The thought process (whether conscious or unconscious) goes: "I feel blah, food helps me feel happy, I deserve a treat!" Its the same reasoning used to rationalize getting ice cream for a sore throat. But when you use it for every ailment all the time, it can add up to weight gain, feeling bad about yourself, and guilt/shame.
Its interesting because looking back I know this is what I did in high school when I got mono... twice. I got a mild case and I wasn't in all that much pain, just enough that ice cream or cool treats felt nice going down. As I got better, I didn't have the sore throat just general fatigue and blah-feeling, and to my dismay and disappointment as an 18 year old girl who wants to stay unrealistically stick-thin, I did not lose weight but gained! On top of missing lots fun activities, all of this was a recipe for sadness, boredom, and thus more eating. So, yeah, hindsight is 20/20, and its makes a lot of sense!
I'm happy that I'm able to be open and honest about a pattern I have had for a long time. It helps me see that like so many of us, I turn to food in moments of discomfort not because I'm weak or undisciplined, but simply because I'm looking for comfort. I'm happy to say that the more I talk about this, the more confident I feel that I can continue to find the comfort I'm looking for in more effective ways (perhaps a prescription for hugs, blankets, and comfy socks!). In all seriousness though, on some level, I've known this was a pattern for a long time, but now its time to truly address it.
Heading off for my first tempo run for marathon training! Looking to do 5 miles. Maybe post again when I return to fend off boredom eating. :)
With love, S.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Quick update!
Just a quick update to say that I am alive and had a wonderful time on vacation. I did not track the whole time and likely gained a bit, but I'm back on track as of this morning and excited for the things to come. We move on Saturday so its going to be busy for a while, but I plan to write and update soon.
Update on how many animals we saw on our Denver/Rocky Mountain National park trip:
- several llamas (yep, carrying packs on the trails)
- 2 mooses (!) ok probably just moose but mooses sounds better
- 10 bighorn sheep
- 1 raccoon - ok I know they are everywhere but it was during the day and he almost attacked us on the trail
- marmots
- prairie dogs
- blue jays
- chipmunks
- Elk!
- deer
More soon!
Update on how many animals we saw on our Denver/Rocky Mountain National park trip:
- several llamas (yep, carrying packs on the trails)
- 2 mooses (!) ok probably just moose but mooses sounds better
- 10 bighorn sheep
- 1 raccoon - ok I know they are everywhere but it was during the day and he almost attacked us on the trail
- marmots
- prairie dogs
- blue jays
- chipmunks
- Elk!
- deer
More soon!
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