So, what the heck is all of this about?

Hello family and friends,

Welcome to the beginning of a new topic of my blog. I am excited, and to be honest, also nervous, to share more openly about a part of my life that I've kept mostly private. 

Some of you know this and some of you don't, but I have struggled with issues with eating and weight for the majority of my adult life. I believe it was around age 16 when I began focusing on and being dissatisfied with my weight and thus started my first diet. I am pretty sure it was Slimfast and if I recall correctly, it lasted less than a week. I also remember drinking a lot of Cappucino flavored Slimfasts that were pretty good, but made your pee smell very strongly of coffee, but I digress...

On and off since then, I have struggled with various forms and degrees of disordered eating and body image issues. Most of this was in the form of relatively "normal" healthy eating (I never really got into extreme or fad diets), but few diets worked and much of the time I was just left frustrated and embarrassed at having "failed" again, which often lead to shame and emotional/binge eating. I have also had periods where I felt very at peace with food and very "normal" around food and was able to maintain a healthy weight. Most notably was just after college, I joined Weight Watchers online for the summer and lost 15 lbs and maintained it for about a year before beginning to put weight back on. That same summer I also began running regularly, and it has been a huge part of my life ever since.

I am very happy to say that today, my body image is better than ever. I am also happy to say that I feel quite fit, and have been exercising regularly (mostly running, anywhere from 2-6 days per week, more like 2 lately though) for over 6 years. I am less critical of myself in general and my eating, exercise, and body, and it has lead to drastic reductions in my emotional eating. Part of these recent positive changes were related to discovering some aspects of my mindset that were very dieting and deprivation-based, and were not serving me. My friend Heather recommended the book Intuitive Eating and reading it really helped me identify and change parts of my thinking that were not helpful (e.g., holding the belief that I "just can't control myself around X food" or "if I had X food in the house, I would not stop eating it"). 

After 3-4 months of following the principles of the "non-dieting" intuitive eating approach, I felt really good but my clothes were fitting a bit snugger and indeed, after stepping on the scale, I found myself within a few pounds of my highest weight ever. 

The cool thing was, I didn't freak out, nor let it define me or let me forget all of the good changes I had made in terms of eating to my hunger signals and feeling good in my body. At first, I struggled a bit with deciding what my next move would be. Although it felt good to eat to my hunger, I gained weight very likely because I was eating lots of sugary foods that I typically limit, and I was exercising a little less than usual due to various factors (moving, weather, etc.). Intuitive Eating suggests a strictly non-dieting approach, and points out that even Weight Watchers counts as a diet because it tells you how many points to eat per day and does not allow for daily and monthly fluctuations in hunger. Given this recommendation by authors of a book I thoroughly enjoyed, I felt at a loss for how I would lose the weight I had gained. 

After giving it considerable thought, I have made the decision to start the Weight Watchers online program and after 4 days on the plan, I already feel great about my decision. Here's why:
   1) The program worked well for me in the past so I have positive associations with it and am excited to do it again. I loved the online tracking tool and the recipes and I feel good on the eating plan.
   2) It is research-based, and they have improved their program since I did it in 2007.  The new points system encourages you to choose foods high in fiber and protein that are likely to make you feel more satisfied. The most major change from 2007 is that fruits are 0 points, which is really helpful for me. If I get hungry at any time, I have the option to eat a reasonable portion of fruit. 
   3) It works best for me. Although calorie counting works too, it sometimes encourages me to be a bit too obsessive and at times choose not as great options (more on this later).
   4) Finally, after 4 days on the plan, I am getting the same familiar feeling I got last time I did it, it provides some structure but the way I'm eating feels sustainable.

And why am I blogging about all of this? 

I tell my patients that the number one predictor of good psychological health is to have and utilize your support system, and this is particularly true for losing weight. So, I'm blogging as a way to practice what I preach.  

Some of what I will share here will be related to things I've kept fairly private. I've made my blog private to use it as a way to share with the people who who have supported me through various parts of my life and who I trust, in an effort to be more open and honest about something that has troubled me for quite a long time.

I started WW last Thursday May 16th (screw the "I'll start my diet on Monday" mentality, this is a lifestyle shift and I was ready to go!) and I am aiming to lose maybe 10 lbs or so, depending on how I feel as I get closer to that weight. Not a ton of weight, but given the emotional baggage these 10-15 lbs have caused over the past 12 years, its a pretty big deal to me.   

Obviously, read if you want/have time, and no pressure! But if you are interested, I am excited about bringing you along with me on my continued journey towards achieving a fit and healthy body and peace with food. 

More to come soon! Thanks for reading! 

xoxo, S.