My new favorite distraction: Best-of-craigslist

From Oklahoma City Craigslist: need a female companion 4 anything

I need female at least 18 and no more than 50 years old to spend the day with this summer. I prefer for them to live near Penn Square Mall. If not, then at least somewhere I can ride the city bus to meet them. I also prefer for them to be a city bus rider. One other thing: ABSOLUTELY NO MALES, GUYS, NOR BOYS!!!!!!!!! If you are a male, then I will not answer your reply. I hope this does not creep or offend anybody. Thank you.



I tried to answer this ad, but received no reply. Maybe its because I don't live near the Penn Square mall? Or because I have a boys name when he clearly asked for no boys? Most likely, though, its because someone else beat me to it. Offers like this just don't last forever, you see. Only 1 lucky 18 - 50 year old woman was able to capitalize on this offer, I suppose... sigh... maybe it wont work out long-term and next summer he will post again? One can only hope...

From New York Craigslist: MISS ME! Goddamn it! m4w

Every week I check this damn thing to see if anyone in this city of millions has missed me. What gives?

I ride the train no less than twice a day, five or more days a week. I'm pressed against some of you in the commute to/from work. Haven't any of you women missed me?

I go to the park. I shop at places. I walk around. I wear shoes. I have ear phones. I drink stuff. Where's my missed connection? Start missing me already, goddamnit. I am very easy to miss.

Monday: Go to work after the weekend. Try not to sweat in the sweltering humidity of the subway. No one misses a sweater. Listen to music to drown out the reality of being stuck in the train with a million strangers; avoid eye contact at all cost. Bullshit about the weekend with the coworkers until quitting time. Get caught up on CL.

Tuesday: Go to work. Eat at one of same four places around work. Walk around a little during lunch, hoping to bump into someone new. Go home and contact friends to make plans for the weekend. Check CL.

Wednesday: Go to work. Getting adventurous now and spend most of lunch break wandering around trying to find someplace new to eat. Realize nothing of interest has been built since I checked last week. End up eating at one of four usual places. Try taking a different route home. This time try to make eye contact with as many strangers as I can on train/bus/ferry/foot.

Thursday: Go to work. Spend most of lunch hour running errands, returning library material, getting money from the bank, and calling up friends to reconfirm plans. Go shopping after work. Walk up and down each aisle to make doubly sure everyone has had a chance to miss me. Get home and get frustrated that still no one has posted with my description.

Friday: Go to work. Spend all day waiting for work to end. Take smoking break. Look around for smokers to miss. Get out of work. Forget all about CL. Find friends and go eating/drinking/event attending. See more strangers in one night than rest of week combined. Stumble home at ungodly hour.

Saturday: Wake up at some point. Roll over to the park. Maybe check out a museum. Try to look deep and lost in thought. Feel envious of all the people missing connections right before my eyes. Think about posting when I get home. Get home and forget or become crushed by laziness or the ennui of it all. Look up ennui in dictionary.

Sunday: Fuck it. I'm sleeping in. I'm doing laundry. I'm ordering take-out. I'm not leaving the damn house. You've had your chances all week. I'm taking a me day. I'm reading a book. And by reading, I mean surfing the internet; whereas by book, I mean porn. Knock myself out with the usual roofie-colada, wine + sleeping pill, so I can wake up in the morning and pack myself into an overcrowded train to get to work and check CL.

Fucking miss me already. I can't do this forever.

I absolutely love this one. Especially this part: 'Get home and forget or become crushed by laziness or the ennui of it all. Look up ennui in dictionary.' Whether or not this is sarcasm at its greatest, or simply the tale of a very sad individual, I'm a very big fan of this rant.

From New York Craigslist: FREE BROKEN TIME MACHINE

Never got around to fixing it, all the buttons are stuck so it doesn't go in reverse only forward at normal speed

come pick it up whenever

I'm laughing out loud in my office right now. People walking by are looking at me funny.

Thats all for now. Maybe one day I can make it on BOC!?! Hmmm... yes... ridiculous ideas are already brewing...