A few life lessons learned from Randy, Gandhi, and my dad

A couple of recent events got me thinking about death and dying, which subsequently got me thinking about life and living. Given this, I decided to take the time on a quiet Friday night to watch the full version of Randy Pausch's last lecture. For those of you who haven't seen or heard of it, it is a lecture given by a former professor (see picture to the left) at Carnegie Mellon University who is dying of pancreatic cancer (lecture was given in 2007). The lecture is all about achieving your childhood dreams and living life. He also did a shorter version that aired on Oprah which is great if you don't have time to watch the long one.

After watching the long version in its entirety, there were many lessons to take from it. I'll focus on a few main points, or at least the ones that hit home the most for me.

Something Randy (no, we aren't officially on a first-name basis, however, based on what little I know about him, I think he would prefer I referred to him as Randy) talked about quite frequently and kept coming back to was the idea that its endlessly important to be able to admit when you are wrong and consider criticism without becoming defensive. He pointed out that your biggest problem comes when you see you are doing something wrong and no one calls you out on it and said that, "your critics are the ones telling you they still love you and care." It was clear through his life stories that he followed his own advice and that he evolved in a very positive way based on consideration of constructive criticism from others (e.g., someone told him in as polite a way as possible that he was arrogant, and instead of becoming defensive, he considered this possibility and eventually dropped the arrogance).

This is something I struggled with in the past (especially in those dramatic teen years). It is so easy to immediately excuse your actions with various explanations for them and is much harder to consider that your critic might have a valid point. I think one of the best ways to think of it is to realize that, like Randy said, most of the time the people giving you feedback are people who really care about you. Therefore, its only fair to atleast listen and carefully consider what they are saying. It is unlikely they are saying it to hurt you. I believe I have gotten significantly better at this and hope I can continue to improve this skill in the future. So if anyone has any criticisms they'd like to give me, bring it! I'll even give you the go-ahead to put it in a comment if you so desire... :)

Another thing Randy said that really stuck with me was, "we can't change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." This simple quote is so important when it comes to living life. I mean, yeah, you can work hard to attempt to change the cards you are dealt (actually in real cards, thats called cheating, but we'll let it slide for the sake of the metaphor) but sometimes you will still get stuck with a offsuit 2-7 (for all you non-Texas Hold em players, thats the worst possible hand you could be dealt in terms of probability). However, how you play the game (i.e., life) is still up to you and the more practice and hard work you put into it, the better you'll be at bluffing (i.e., using what you are given to the best of your atvantage).

This lesson is always relevant, as we are always being dealt new hands and always being forced to play them out. Recently, I have been dealt some slightly questionnable hands in terms of winning probability, however, the hand ended up okay each time, suggesting I played the cards relatively well. This is encouraging, and again I hope I can continue to play hands that way in the future.

The last, and perhaps most important lesson I learned from Randy is the importance of having fun. In his lecture he said, "I'm dying and I'm having fun. And I'm gonna keep having fun everyday I have left." This wasn't just talk either. Throughout the lecture, he was cracking jokes and making the audience laugh (see picture above for visual proof of fun with the mad hatter hat and see video for explanation). He is also still having fun today. Yes, thats right, he was given 3-6 months to live on August 15th and he is still alive today, though still fighting cancer, over 7 months later. He maintains a blog that gives updates on his progress and in that blog is still cracking jokes (e.g., referring to his tumors as chivalrous or not chivalrous, depending on how they are acting that day; talking about the use of aggressive diuretics and how they make him feel like a crushed grape).

I have always aimed to get as much fun into my life as possible, however, it is a lesson that is important to keep at the forefront of your mind. Its easy to forget, in our day-to-day lives, that any given day could be our last. Now, I can't speak for anyone else, but if I knew tomorrow would be my last day to live, I would want it to be a really fun one (amongst all of the farewells that I would want to have with the people I love). I would also want to look back on my life and know that I lived life to the fullest to the best of my ability. Whether it be a shared joke with a co-worker that keeps you smiling for the rest of the day, an unforgettable trip to Europe, or a relaxing day in bed watching your favorite episode of FRIENDS, its pretty important to try to fill your days with things that make you happy, because another day is never a guarantee.

So that concludes the major lessons I learned from Randy Pausch's last lecture. I chose not to write about the importance of telling people you love how you feel because Randy didn't talk about it in his lecture (he admitted that he couldn't handle talking about his wife and kids without tearing up - although at the very end of the long lecture is some reference to them but I wont give it away here because I highly suggest you watch it yourself). I also chose not to talk about it here because this post is already ridiculously long and I kind of doubt anyone will even read this far (its cool, I forgive you all). Clearly, that is an important lesson learned when considering death and dying, and there are many others I did not mention, yet these are topics for another day and time.

A few final thoughts (that are basically for my own benefit, since I've likely lost most of my readers): In my quest to understand how to live my life, I again utilized google and found this quote that I really like:

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." - Mahatma Gandhi

This quote is great because it aims to encourage a good balance between work and play. Sure I should live my life as if I were going to die tomorrow. We talked about that above and learned to "do fun things, yay!" But taken too literally, this could create problems (e.g., if I were to randomly leave school just to take a trip to Cedar Point, because technically, I could die tomorrow). This quote emphasizes the importance of living life the fullest each day (insert fun here) while also striving to better yourself with knowledge (for me, school and research) and continuing to build on that base with every opportunity you are given. Hmm... I might need to hang that quote in my office...

My closing thought (I swear) involves a story about something my father used to say to me (and occasionally still does). When I was a teenager, I used to say dramatic things like "I feel like I'm dying" (probably in response to a bad grade, or a boy not calling, you know, life changing stuff like that). To my annoyance, my dad would simply respond calmly with, "well yes, we are all dying." At the time, this would cause me to roll my eyes so far back in my head, he would tell me they were going to get stuck. Looking back, this simple quote was probably one of the best things he could have said, though it was totally lost on my young mind. The truth is, we are all going to die, whether it be today, next year, or 70+ years from now, and being aware of it (in a productive way) may actually help us live.

Fate? Or a lucky roll?

You know that feeling when you think you lost something really important, or really expensive, and then you find it? Its that overwhelming feeling of relief and happiness, knowing that whatever you found is safe, and you don't have to explain to someone that you lost it or buy a new one, or find something to replace it. I think that is one of the best feelings (no, not the best, but its up there)...

Anyway, I got that feeling yesterday, when I read an email. The email was notifying me that I was being offered a position as a clinical interviewer at a research lab at the University of Pennsylvania. I will be trained to conduct structured interviews to assess for anxiety and mood disorders for a prospective risk factor study. The reason this is such a relief is because I didn't match with a practicum site and therefore didn't have anywhere to conduct clinical work next year. If I hadn't gotten this position, (which is not a typical practicum site, but can count for the experience) I would have had to contact practicum sites that I didn't originally apply to because they weren't very relevant to my interests and hope that one of them would take me. This was something I was not excited about doing, and now I don't have to!

Things like this make me wonder, does everything happen for a reason? In high school I used to think that way. More recently though, I think that maybe people are just good at adapting to situations and bringing out the positive by coping effectively. However, when things like this happen, and things work out so well in the end, it brings me back to this question of fate. I mean, really, I may have ended up with the best of both worlds: a great practicum experience, and a less stressful schedule. So, is this fate at work? Or simply a convenient coincidence?

I am pretty sure I wont figure this out tonight, but its still an interesting question. Either way, flooding amounts of relief and happiness are upon me, and I'm grateful to have one less thing to worry about...

The Power of Imagination

I am always amazed by how cool the imagination is. Since childhood, however, my imaginative experiences have considerably decreased. I remember a time when it was so easy to make up a game involving things that weren't really there (e.g., the monkeys and alligators game where we pretended to be monkeys jumping from couch cushion to couch cushion to avoid lava and alligators, who can apparently survive lava burns). Now, the occasions where I can really get my imagination going are few and far between.

Before today, the last time I remember really being able to visualize something that wasn't there was in the summer of 2006. I was in the Olympic stadium in Barcelona. As I looked down at the track, I could picture the events. I heard the piercing noise of the start gun could see the runners take off down the track. It really made the stadium come alive and it is a memory I will never forget.

Today at the art museum, I had a similar experience. We were in the Asian Art section and we walked into a room that was a replica of a Indian temple hall. As I stood in the middle of the hall, I tried to imagine I was in an actual temple in India. For a second, it felt so real that I got goosebumps all down my arms.

It seems as though imagination can make some of life's experiences so much better. Tomorrow I'm getting up at 5:00am to go to NYC with the girls (why I am still awake now, when it is almost 1am, I do not know). I think I'll try to see if I can get my imagination going during our New York sightseeing. Maybe it will enhance my travel experience...

Happy Birthday [Guru]Graham!!

I want to take this opportunity to say happy birthday to my office-mate, Graham!

Anyone who has talked to me much over the past few months has probably heard a lot of "Graham said this" and "Graham did this" and "Graham thinks I should do this." People may have been thinking to themselves... 'Who is this Graham character? And what makes him so special? Is he some type of guru?' Well, actually, now that you mention it, he might just be...

In effort to answer this intriguing question, I did the only logical thing: I 'googled' guru. In doing so, I discovered the following description:

The term guru refers to a teacher in the religious or spiritual sense. The guru is seen in these religions as a sacred conduit for wisdom and guidance. In many branches of the for-mentioned religions, the importance of finding a true guru is given as a prerequisite for attaining self realization (Wikipedia, 2008).

Upon finding this, I got really excited. Wisdom and guidance?! Yes, he gives that! Self-realization? Yes, I need that! Was Graham sent to me to be my spiritual guide through my first year of graduate school?......

Well, although Graham has not taught me a great deal about religion in a traditional sense (excluding a few sporadic conversations about religion and science), based on the above definition, he clearly is my guru in other ways. In such a small amount of time, I have already learned so much from him. Be it a stellar explanation of multiple linear regression I am seeking, a personal or school-related dilemma that needs solving, or simply a lol cat that requires an explanation (click here for examples), Graham is always there to teach and guide me. He has helped me through numerous transitions and difficult times. Now that I think of it, even his ambiance is inherently calm, non-judgemental, and almost zen-like, making my new conceptualization of him even more fitting (r2 = .78; 78% of variance accounted for). With a varimax rotation, I might even get more accounted for but there isn't time for that right now (see, he's taught me a lot!).

I could go on, but I think I've made my point. I honestly can't picture what my first year of grad school would have been like if Graham wasn't around. And I'm exceedingly thankful I'll never have to.

The simple things in life

Enjoying a cup of coffee and reading my email in the morning. Walking to a practicum seminar in a 62 degree rain shower. Walking home from the medical school on a cool night with Sugarland blasting on my iPOD. Administering Block Design (a subtest of the adult intelligence scale) in front of my class with the stimulus book upside down for my Intellectual Assessment final exam (hilarious). These things are just some recent events in my life that could be easily overlooked, however, as of late, I have chosen not to overlook them, but to notice and experience them in their entirety.

A wise man once told me he hoped I was taking advantage of the experience of every moment, so thats what I am trying to do. It makes sense to me. Life's experiences are what we have now, so we probably should take advantage of them.

It has taken some time, but I think I'm to a point where I'm pretty good at recognizing these little things. I often find myself stopping and thinking about where I am and how amazing it is. It helps me stay positive and look at the big picture while simultaneously noticing minute details about where I happen to be at that time (e.g., a warm breeze, a smile from a stranger).

Well, I am off to thoroughly enjoy my day of life's small pleasures: coffee and toast, reading research articles from the comfort of my own home, grocery shopping, and watching State dominate over Temple in basketball... I'm a pretty lucky girl.

The anticipation is mounting... :)

In an effort to think positively, I will post about something I am EXTREMELY excited about. This Friday, three of my very best friends are coming to visit me: Lindsay, Holly, and Caitlin. The last time the three of us hung out together was New Year's Eve and that may have been a good time (see picture above for visual proof - I mean, the pictures was taken at midnight and Caitlin can't even keep her eyes open... or maybe she is blinking... either way, it was a great night!).

The good times I've had with these girls are countless. I mean, Holly and I have been friends since pre-school when she came to my birthday parties and played "Ponies Stop," (the My Little Pony game my parents made up for us) so clearly, there has been quite a few memorable moments between then and now. One of my favorites was the time we created a sport. Yes, thats right, 'couch jumping' actually originated in my basement and just in case you aren't familiar, involves running from my stairwell, jumping on a mini trampoline, doing a somersault and breaking the cross-board of my parent's couch when you land (yes, you can actually hear the board snap on the video). Among other things, crazy stunts like this make me very excited for Holly to come visit.

Caitlin and I also have some great memories. She and I first started to become close at Terri Newman's Dance Shoppe, where we bonded in our 'Children of Eve' lyrical dance (we got to look into each others eye in fear, grab hands, and run forward, it was beautiful). After that, our experiences in high school only brought us closer. Between both being on the dance and track teams and sharing a locker, we became really close (when I wasn't dropping textbooks on her head). Given how much time we spent together, I guess it wasn't that surprising that we each locked our keys in our cars on the same morning. To top it off, both of our cars were running! I know, I know, this does not make us look like intelligent people. In Caitlin's defense (and to further prove my own idiocy) she at least noticed what she had done. I only realized mine was running because I had to go back to my car to get one of my school binders, and then the exhaust coming from the tailpipe clued me in. I will never forget walking in late to Mr. Farah's class that rainy day, shoes squeaking loudly in the silent classroom. Caitlin, you guys might want to make it a rule that you must hold the keys up before locking the car door when you come visit, or better yet, mail an extra key to my house ;)

And finally, Miss Lindsay, or should I say Woodsdice? Lindsay is probably the most selfless person I know, which is clear from the fact that she will always dance to Oochie Wally with you so you don't have to dance alone, even when there is no music! My favorite moment with her might still be when I tried to give up candy for lent and she taunted me relentlessly with suckers, eventually sticking one she had licked to my cheek! But in all seriousness, Lindsay is very selfless and kind, and I cannot wait for her to get here. I only hope I can be as good of a hostess as she always is. :)

Based on the above stories, I hope I have made myself clear: my friends are a great time, and they crack me up. I absolutely love meeting new people and making new friends, but there is something about reminiscing with these ladies that will never get old. It helps to remind me of how far we've all come. I can't wait to show them around my new home and my new life.

Just a disclaimer, I talked about these three because they are coming to visit me, but there are not my only friends in Michigan that I love! Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about anyone. You know who you are... ;)

When it rains, it pours, huh? True story, but no Gulags.

Pretty much my whole day today has been devoted to brooding over things I cannot change. Lets be honest here, that is pretty ridiculous. Granted, the quote "when it rains, it pours" is very applicable to my life right now, and there are many things that aren't going quite the way I'd like them to. However, when I look back on my day, I realize it was mostly spent feeling stressed and morose. When I wasn't feeling those emotions, I was contenplating how negative I should be on this new blog I have created. Examples of the thoughts that went through my head are: Should I share all of the bad things that happened today? Or is that just being needlessly negative? Should I really be writing about how even though bad things are happening to me, I need to keep a positive outlook and realize that they could be worse? I mean hey, as Liz's friend would say, I could be under the influence of The Gulag (a government agency that administered penal labor camps in the Solviet Union). Or maybe I should just write about how I have accepted these emotions as part of the inevitable process of human suffering, and allow myself to feel them and then continue to accomplish my goals (we'll chalk that thought up to the acceptance and committment therapy presentation I saw today).

These thoughts and several other possibilities were running wild in my head. Again, this is ridiculous, I realize this. I even thought of some cool metaphors to analogize my suffering (e.g., I was a Jenga tower, and someone kept pulling out Jenga blocks to see how much it would take for me to breakdown). I drafted some blog posts to try these different perspectives on for size, but honestly, nothing seemed like quite the right thing to post...

Now that the day is over, I just feel kind of sheepish. I mean, I did get some things done today, but considering how much time I spent in my office, I should have finished all of my studying, not 1/16th of it. It would be a little cliche for me to go on about how my suffering is nothing compared to millions of other people in other situations, although objectively, this is true. Instead, I'll simply say that no matter how bad things get, stewing in negativity all day long is never a good solution. I mean, I actually think I did fairly well today. I didn't breakdown or flip out, but I still spent simply too much time thinking about things I could not change. I am not upset with my inability to get out of that funk; I know snapping out of those kinds of mood is a hard skill to learn. But looking back on the day's productivity, I realize it is a skill I'd really like to learn. Luckily, these negative things in my life have not been resolved, and therefore, I get another crack at positivity tomorrow.

So, I guess there is one major positive thing to take away from today... life is too short to spend your time sulking... after all, I'm not living under The Gulag regime and should probably take advantage of it.

Start of a good thing...

I never really considered creating a blog until recently. In the past, when I wrote anything outside of papers for school, it was because I was upset about something and needed to vent to an anonymous source. I always figured if I had a blog, I would have nothing to say that I'd feel comfortable making public. But recently, I've been turning to my beautiful journal that I got from Andi (thanks, love!) to write about things going on in my life, and instead of just writing about specific events like I used to write about back in the day (e.g., how upset I am that I haven't been asked to homecoming yet, how mad I am at my brother for putting soap on my toothbrush, how mad I am about my epidemiology grade) I find my writing has changed. Now I tend to write less about specific events (although that still slips in, mostly to serve as a reference point for what I am actually saying) and more about what these events have made me realize.

Although the events of our life tend to shape us dramatically, I am not sure it is really the events themselves that matter so much as what we take away from them. Therefore, while it is important to think about and remember the events that have occurred, it may be even more important to think about what we learn from these events, especially when they are negative ones (the ones I used to be so fond of writing about).

In this blog, I hope to try to document these types of events and the impact they have on me, in hope of gaining more clarity and perspective in my life. Changes in my life right now are rampant and I feel I am constantly being molded into a different, and hopefully better, person.

That being said, I want to send a special thanks out to my lovely classmate Sapna, whose amazing blog was the last straw that convinced me to start my own. Mine even kind of looks like hers because it was just so beautifully designed -- plus, I love bright colored writing on a black background, it just looks so chic. Also, I love the way pictures look with a black background. In fact, I just love pictures in general and will therefore try to post a relevant picture or two with each of my posts.

This one is pretty simple, like I said above, change is a major theme in my life right now that is [ironically] pretty constant. I expected my life to change when I moved to Philadelphia, but I don't think I ever could have predicted all of this! However, I did know change was coming, and one of the only framed pieces I planned on taking with me to my new room was a framed picture of a tree that changed seasons depending on the angle you viewed it from. Under the tree is the word "change". Unfortunately, my dad accidentally broke the glass when we were loading it into my car. I tried not to see it as a bad omen, but it was an emotional day and it got to me a little bit (Holly, Andi, Caitlin, I'm sure you guys remember). Anyway, the picture it is still at my house so until I can convince someone to deliver it to me, this picture of a fall tree will have to suffice. Just pretend it changes seasons as you look at it from different angles, wont you? :)

Well, that concludes my first post. I'm sure there will more to come soon, as long as I'm more committed to writing than Rachel from FRIENDS was in her diary-writing resolution. :)